hbasedmomof6's Xanga

A Misbehaving Child is a Discouraged Child

Sat, 09 Jan 2010 17:10:30 GMT

This is an article I wrote several years ago. It is copied from my site at: http://www.freewebs.com/suffer-the-little-children/whychildrenmisbehave.htm

Why Do Children Misbehave?
Jane Nelson: "A misbehaving child is a discouraged child."

Does this hold up to the light of God's Word? What does God say about discouragement?

Colossians 3:21 says: "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged."

First let us look at the Greek definitions of anger and discouraged.

Anger- anger, the natural disposition, temper, character movement or agitation of the soul, impulse, desire, any violent emotion, but esp. anger anger, wrath, indignation anger exhibited in punishment, hence used for punishment itself of punishments inflicted by magistrates

I found it interesting that this type of anger is associated with punishment. This anger is necessary to punish! Isn't this an interesting thought when considering our premise as PD parents that punishment leads to anger?

Discouragement- to be disheartened, dispirited, broken in spirit, dismayed

Dictionary definitions for:

Discourage- To deprive of courage, dispirit, dishearten

Dispirit-To cause to lose heart or hope; weaken the spirit of; depress

Dismay-To put at a loss as from surprise, fear or disappointment; cause to lose spirit or confidence

Dishearten-To weaken the spirit or courage of

This means that any action we take with our child should promote encouragement, tend to and nurture their spirit. Any other action leads to discouragement.

What are the definitions for the words which are opposite of discourage?

Encourage-To inspire with courage, hope or confidence. 2. To help or be favorable toward.

Inspirit-To fill with spirit or life; exhilarate

Hearten-To give courage to

More Scripture for thought:

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.

Proverbs 19:11 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

Colossians 3:8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.

Colossians 3:12 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
13 Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
14 And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
17 And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him.

Yes, this Scripture even (most especially)applies to the parent/child relationship! So, if we want to encourage our child, we will put off those things of the old man, put on the things of the new man and do everything in word or deed as unto the Lord Jesus! We would not seek to anger or discourage the Lord. Therefore we must not do this to our child. Teach them; admonish them with Scripture, sing songs about Him, and let GRACE permiate your home!

So… it appears that "A MISBEHAVING CHILD IS INDEED A DISCOURAGED CHILD!"

Jane Nelson is the Author of books on Positive Discipline. You can find her books at Amazon or any other major bookstore. Although I do not agree with everything Jane Nelson says, I find a lot of what she has to say very helpful.

Here are some other helpful resources on this topic:

http://www.mb.com.ph/articles/202435/why-do-children-misbehave

http://www.enotalone.com/article/4471.html

http://www.positivediscipline.com/articles_teacher/PositiveTimeOut.html

Did You Hear About the Morgan's? or Night Out with the Girls

Mon, 04 Jan 2010 15:20:18 GMT

I took my youngest daughter (11) and one of her friends to the show last night. They wanted to see "Alvin 2: The Squeakquel"‎ and I wanted to see "Did You Hear About the Morgans?" Before we went to the show, we went to eat at IHOP and then to Wal-Mart. The only redeeming aspect of this weather is that the perishables will last in the car while we do other things.

For some odd reason the girls acted as though they were relieved when I informed them that I wanted to see a different movie. Imagine that! The kids always complain about my nose being buried in the computer (I do work full time online for one of my jobs, after all) then this daughter was thrilled to separate from me at the theater. I am documenting this here so I can remind her of it next time she catches me playing Scrabble on Facebook complains about the fact that I don't spend enough time with her.

I have done my best to brainwash teach my kids to believe that family is more important than friends. Regardless of the fact that I have isolated them from society , homeschooled them, they are social little creatures. Well not so "little" anymore. *sigh*

So.. back to the movie. The girls' movie started about 35 mins before my show. What is it about the show that I always have to pee twice before it starts? Yes I did. And I still found myself waiting for the last hour and a half of the show needing to go again.

This was my first time to view a movie at the theater alone. I have always wanted to try it. The advantages to being alone are that you can sit where you want and no one else is there to tempt you with their fattening buttered popcorn. I sat in the best spot which was directly facing the center of the screen.

The show started with the typical advertisements and previews. I liked the military theaters better when my ex was in the Army and we went to the show on post. For one thing, it was cheaper and for another it was patriotic to go to the movie. Instead of ads and previews, we watched scenes of Americana as we listened to the national anthem. We stood with our hands on our hearts and showed respect to our country and our troops. It always brought tears to my eyes.

Enough sentimentality.. back to the movie...

The previews included "From Paris with Love", "Kick Ass", "The Bounty Hunter" and "Dear John." Out of all of those I definitely want to see "Dear John." It is based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks and I really love his books.

"Did you hear about the Morgans?" was predictable from start to finish. It had very little offensive language, no crude humor and no sensuality. It was a cute movie which offered a positive and refreshing view on the sanctity of marriage (unusual from Hollywood). I really hope people go and watch this show so they can show support for a clean flick. There were some funny parts and it did not have one of those crappy endings where you are left with no closure about the characters.

Overall, I enjoyed watching the movie alone. Going with other people is fun too, but I might just do this movie thing alone more often.

I am Queen of the Castle

Sun, 03 Jan 2010 23:35:26 GMT

Don't I look like the Queen of the Castle here?

I think I have finally figured out the answer to overcoming my blogger's block and just in time for the new year! I can't seem to write on a personal level while staring at a glaring screen with light emanating and blinding my brain. There is just something different about the feel of a smooth, yellow, #2 pencil in my hand. The pencil becomes an extension of me and my soul flows onto the paper. The monitor is so hardwarish (is that a word.. well it is now), so sterile.

Lots of thoughts going through my mind. Some I can share with you and some I cannot. I cannot share those items or issues which would cause those in my real life discomfort or an awkward sense of wonderment at why in the world I would share particular circumstances with my virtual audience. Sometimes I wish we did not live in such an imperfect world, so I could share certain things with the motive of helping someone else. Then again, if the world were perfect, you would not need my help. *shrug*

I used to think about how other people wove tangled webs. Now I look at the tapestry of my own life and see some pretty tangled webs as well. Some were due to circumstances over which I had no control, while other were spun by me. Webs such as infertility, adoption, failed adoption, marriage, divorce, remarriage, extended family feuds and so many others.

2009 was an interesting year. We moved to a bigger home; I started working a second job as a caretaker for a child with cerebral palsy; my 18 year old son left home for 5 months; my 17 year old daughter left home for 2 months; my husband and I decided not to co-habitate for now. So now I am a married single mom to my 3 and he is a married single dad to his 3.

Side View of My 2009 Home

People think we are off our rockers, but that is ok. We figure 6 happy kids in 2 different houses is better than 6 stressed-out kids who will wind up hating each other and us someday. Blending a family is not always the Brady Bunch ideal you know? We gave it 5 years and we still love each other, but we also love our kids enough to not force them to live with people they didn't ask to live with, nor prefer to live with. Unlike others, we just decided to do something a bit unorthodox instead of playing the game or putting on the "one big happy family" front. Not saying all seemingly happy blended families are putting on a front - so don't even send me nasty email go there.

I have been working from home for about 4.5 years. I got used to running around the house in my PJ's, lifeless hair, no make-up and fingernails bit down to the quick. Recently I decided to put a stop to the "dowdy Joan" persona and wake up my inner princess. The first thing I did was to get my hair cut and colored to the tune of $80.00. I have done that twice now. I also got a pedicure and fake nails all in one day for $35.00. Then, I bought a whole new wardrobe for about $200.00. Now I know some of you can drop that much on one outfit, but I bought 5 outfits with that. Don't good sales rock? So, I spent $335 on myself and in December to boot! Did I feel guilty? Yep! Do I now? Somehow I am finding it within myself to forgive and move on as I just accept that I am the QUEEN OF THIS CASTLE and deserve it!

Me with My New Dew

Now.. the Queen shall purchase some more #2 pencils and a pretty new electric pencil sharpener so that they are fit for the "Royal Scribe."

Warning! Scam Alert!

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:36:20 GMT

I kept getting these calls on my cell from +331 which is fishy enough in itself right? I finally decided to answer it. This guy with a South African accent says "I am calling to let you know about a credit card with 0% interest with a beginning credit limit of $3500."

RED FLAG GOES UP!

For one, I have less than pristine credit and for two I am wondering where in the heck these people got my number from? So, I decide to play along for a bit. I ask, "What is the annual fee on this card?" To which he answers, "There is no recurring fee, there is just a one time activation fee of $97 and then you get a $100 gift voucher to make up for that." "Then you can purchase anything from our catalog for up to $3500."

MORE RED FLAGS!

I say (still playing along) "What is your website address so I can take a look and consider this?" He says "www.internationalplatinum.com." I have to have him repeat the part after "international" about 3 or 4 times because I can't understand him. Each time he says "ok, I will repeat it one more time." LOL Like he is doing me a big favor. I am still cracking up over that. Anyway, I get to the spammy looking site and I say, "OK, well I will take a look at it online and if I decide to do it, I see I can apply right here." He then says "Oh no! You can't do that, I will just wait on the phone while you look so you can apply now on the phone."

RED FLAG AGAIN!

High pressure turns me off immediately. (Not that I was ever turned on to begin with.)

I then tell him, I really have to have a lot of time to consider this offer and he proceeds to try to keep me on the phone so I hung up. The guy immediately calls back; needless to say I did not answer.

If you truly want to confirm a scam, do a google search as follows: International Platinum Credit Card Scam. Make sure you include the word "scam" in your search. Here are the Google search results for that phrase:

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&safe=active&rlz=1C1CHMA_enUS352US352&q=international+platinum+credit+card+scam&aq=f&oq=&aqi=

Check out Rip Off Report and Who Called Us as well as the Better Business Bureau.

It is a ploy, scam, spam and a bunch of hooey. It angers me that they prey on people with bad credit and especially during the holidays when people are most vulnerable.

I don't care if it is a shady used car salesman standing right in front of you or some foreign sounding voice over the phone. Never let someone pressure you into a scam of any kind! Don't fall for it!

How to Get Ready for the Holidays: Part 1

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 15:27:12 GMT

Warning: details of a monumental task ahead! Today... Are you ready for this? We... we....we combined cleaning out our shed with Christmas decorating. There! I said it! Whew! I hope you don't think I am crazy?

The holiday season is the perfect time to de-clutter; especially if you are going to entertain family at your house (which we are this year). Some of the stuff we went through today had been packed for 3 or 4 years or more. When I say monumental task, this is no understatement. We had enough daylight to get about halfway through the task today.

We divided stuff up as follows:

Donation – Given to individuals or taken to Goodwill ASAP
Trash – Already taken to a dumpster
Keep – Brought in the house and put away immediately
Store – Try to keep this to a minimum and put back in shed in a labeled and organized manner

So far, we trashed and donated more than we kept or stored, which is the goal! It is going to feel so great to get all of the decluttering done. Decluttering your physical space does something for your emotional and spiritual health as well. It is freeing and makes life seem less burdensome. It is not always “there” just hanging over your head as some project you are procrastinating about continuously and it also makes it a lot easier to function on a day to day basis.

I got some tips from a book called “The Queen of Clean Conquers Clutter.”

This book is awesome. The Queen of Clean teaches you how to be a clean QUEEN

Q- Question

U- Unpack

E- Evaluate

E- Eliminate

N-Neaten UP

This book is for even the most devoted pack rat. She shows you how to start small and then eventually you will want to tackle every nook and cranny in your home.

There was a time that I would have waited to start that shed knowing I could not finish it in one day. However, thanks to the Queen of Clean, I know it is better to get started and get some of it done and then do the rest later. :D

I will keep you up to date on my progress. More to Come....

But, I Can't Afford to Homeschool

Thu, 26 Nov 2009 21:15:27 GMT

This is the first of a series of articles about common homeschool objections. A lot of people assume that it costs a lot of money to homeschool effectively. Most public schools receive approximately $8,000 to $10,000 per child from state and federal funding and private schools can run anywhere from $3,000 on up to $20,000 or $30,000 per year. People automatically associate higher spending with better quality.

There is a wide range of curriculum options available. Self-contained curriculum like Weaver, Abeka, Sonlight, Alpha-Omega, ACE and others can run as low as $350 or $400 per year, per child and go up as high as a person can afford to spend. There are reading curriculum options that can run as high as several hundred dollars per program and there are those which run as low as $15.00.

Time4Learning offers an effective and inexpensive online learning option. I use this for my kids. They supply lessons for history, science, reading, language arts and math. This program is good for challenged, average or gifted learners. It is only $19.95 per month for the first child and $14.95 for each additional child in the family. They currently offer courses for age 3 to 8th grade students. I hope they expand to high school some day. My kids look forward to the lessons each day, I can log in anytime and see what and how they are doing, they can work independently and it provides a record should you live in a state where you are required to keep records. For the low cost, can you really ask for anything more?

There are also free options. The library is free, you can borrow resources from friends and family, you can find a wide range of resources for free online and you can be creative and use what you have.. whether indoors or outdoors. Don Potter offers a ton of free education resources for free on his site at Don Potter.net.

The best thing about homeschooling is that you can teach your child for free or spend as much as you want to spend. If you choose to cut corners on curriculum costs and your child has an interest in some extra curricular activity, you can afford to spend more on their other interests and activities and customize it all to the individual child.

With all of the low-cost and free options, anyone can afford to homeschool! :D

Do you think it is possible to give a child a great education with little or no money? If so, why or why not?

The Twisted History of Thanksgiving

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 20:36:10 GMT

The first official Thanksgiving in the US took place in 1621, the pilgrims provided most of the meal, they ate sweet potatoes and ham, the Indians and pilgrims were great friends, ... at least this is what we have always been taught.

School children are taught a lot of things as historical fact when indeed the reality is found to be much different upon further study. According to a colonist by the name of Edward Winslow in A Journey of the Pilgrims at Plymouth, the pilgrims had already gathered their crops for harvest and hunted fowl when king Massasoit and 90 of his men came to them with concerns that the pilgrims were preparing to war against them. The Indians wound up killing 5 deer and many turkeys to share during this 3 day feast.

Wild Turkey and venison are the only items we know for certain were on the menu. Other items which may have been on the menu include goose, swan, seal, eel, clams, lobster, cod, wheat flour, Indian corn, pumpkin, peas, beans, carrots, radishes, onions, plums, grapes, acorns, walnuts, chestnuts, olive oil, leeks, dried currants, parsnips and liverwort. There were no pies, no cranberry sauce, no corn on the cob, no mashed potatoes and no green bean casserole. ;)

It would be interesting some Thanksgiving to try to emulate the menu of the pilgrims as closely as possible. Sounds like an interesting school lesson! hmmm?

Thanksgiving today has evolved into a gluttonous day of feasting and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that! My friend Keith at Almighty Dad wrote an awesome article on this today. The name of his post is Thanksgiving Healthy Eating Tips: Never!

Other Thanksgiving Day traditions include:

1) Football
2) The Macy's Day Parade
3) Football
4) Gathering with family
5) Did I mention football?
6) Wearing stretchy pants! :D
7) Tryptophan drunkenness induces an obligatory afternoon nap
8) Devising a Black Friday Battle Plan

Other Thanksgiving Resources:

Grampa David offers a great Thanksgiving story called: Thanksgiving Baby

The History Channel offers a full expose, videos and more about The History of Thanksgiving

Judy Dow (Abenaki) and Beverly Slapin Deconstruct the Myths of "The First Thanksgiving"

You Don't Have to be Rich to be Grateful

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 23:08:04 GMT

During this holiday season, the United States is in a recession. The official unemployment rate is above 10%, but some are reporting that as many as 17% of US workers are currently without jobs. What happens to the mentality of an individual or family or nation during times of economic hardship? How do their priorities shift and how do their spending habits change?

Let's face it, during times of plenty, most people become spoiled brats. They expect to have all they need want and have it yesterday. They run up credit cards, buy homes and vehicles they cannot afford, don't save money and just live with the mantra “Eat, Drink and Be Merry.” They become self-absorbed and consumed with accumulating material goods.

Back in 1986, I spent 3 months in Brazil. I met a 14 year old boy who had lived on the streets of Brazil for most of his life. He started asking me questions about my life, home and belongings in the US. Once he found out I owned more than one TV, he was convinced I was rich! I gave away 3 meals at McDonald's in Sao Paulo before I finally ordered my food to go so I could eat in the car. These were children who were begging for food and not for money or other goods. How many times have you sat down in your local McDonald's and had some child come up and beg you for your food? I dare say if you have had this happen, the child was quickly reprimanded by his parents if you were here in the US. ;) I went into a home where a woman just had dirt floors, scrap wood for walls, a makeshift stove and one mattress on the floor where about 5 people slept. I did not even grasp the meaning of poor until I met these people.

It is sad that so many people are out of work and it seems that we may be headed for inflation with the price of goods rising faster than the per capita income. However, there are many things we can gain as individuals, families and a nation during this time. People have already started eliminating frivolous spending and services and products they once thought necessary. People are starting to feel more pressured to save for the storms of life because the rainy days are already here. We are spending more time with family and friends doing inexpensive activities. Building relationships has become more important to us than in past years. I have even noticed neighbors who are starting to know one another again. During the economic boom, we because so self sufficient instead of being inter-dependent with others.

Have you shifted your priorities and spending habits? If so, how? Are you thankful for anything that has taken place as a result of this shift in our economy? Are you planning to do anything different this holiday season as a result of having less cash to spend? Maybe start a new tradition?

Are You Anti-Homeschooling?

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:41:51 GMT

Often times I run across those who are absolutely and unequivocally, anti-homeschooling. They have some highly misperceived conceptions about homeschooling in general and then try to stereotype all homeschoolers based on their perceptions. Invariably they have heard of one or two families who did not teach their children well.

Consider the views of Dr. William Bainbridge from the Schoolmatch Institute who said on Laura Ingraham's Fox News Show that it is impossible for "uncertified" parents to teach their children subjects like Japanese or Advanced Chemistry and that children should have a 14^th Amendment right to choose whether or not they want to be homeschooled.

It is obvious that Dr. Bainbridge is living in another century because he does not seem to realize that there are curriculum options that are so easy to utilize that children can even do them independent of their parents. This most especially applies to secondary students who should have already been grounded well enough in foundational subjects that they can teach themselves about anything. Not only that, but there are classes at community colleges, technical schools and friends of homeschoolers who will gladly convey their knowledge to kids who are interested in something they already know about.

Dr. Bainbridge and others like him come across as snobbish, bureaucratic know-it-alls who are very condescending and patronizing. If you don't believe me, watch him here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQskaSukin8

Homeschool statistics which have been carefully compiled and publicized by organizations like HSLDA and NHERI show that, on average, homeschooled students perform well above their public schooled peers both academically and socially.

Have you ran across anyone who is totally anti-homeschooling and closed minded to the point that they won't even listen to reason?

In the next few days I will be addressing commonly held homeschool objections and myths.

It's For the Birds!

Fri, 13 Nov 2009 15:16:09 GMT

Sometimes while I am working, I run across some great Internet nuggets. I want to quickly share one of those with you this morning! Yesterday I wrote about Christmas shopping and homemade gift ideas. Today while mining blogs for Aviva Directory, I found this jewel from Northern Minnesota. The author shares information about birding and included this homemade peanut butter feeder. I am linking to the blog so that the author gets proper credit. Check it out and make a few.. the birds will love you!

Peanut Butter Feeder at Crane Lake Nature Blog

Let me know if you make one! I am thinking this may be a nice gift for my son to make for some people.