I am experiencing some firsts this year. First of all, my oldest child turned the big 1-8 last Dec. 20th. He left home in May. Yep! He got on a plane and flew 1000 miles away from me. Here he is at the airport ....
At the time, I thought it was not so bad because, after all, he was going to live with my parents and work for my dad. I felt a mixture of emotions that day that he got on the plane (flying for the first time alone.) I felt apprehension, excitement, fear, happiness, sadness, sentimental, like time had flown by, like time had crept by, like it was the truly the beginning of mid life, confusion and most of all a desire to pray for God's protection over him.
However, he has now decided to move out of my parents home and he is staying with a friend and trying to get on his own. Now all of the emotions I felt that day in May are returning, only to a much greater degree. The world can be a scary place you know? It can also be a great place, an exciting place.. with all of the options and possiblities... but there are lions and tigers and bears... (oh my).
To top it all off.. he is ill. We don't know what is wrong with him yet. I want to run to him and be by his side, but he wants to be a man and does not necessarily want or need mommy there holding his hand (just yet anyway).
Then, I think back to what it was like when I was in his stage of life. The idealism, the confusion, the anticipation, the need for independence, the options that were open to me and I connect with what HE must be feeling.
I never thought I would be one of those sappy women who would experience "empty nest syndrome." No "syndromes" for me, I thought. But now that my 2nd child has graduated from high school at 16 this past April and my third is getting ready to graduate at 17.5 in December (some of my children were adopted so they are closer in age than normal), a little bit of the syndromatic feeling is starting to set in.
Seven years from now, when I am 51 and the last one has graduated, maybe .. just maybe, I will be used to this and I will actually be like I thought I would be to begin with... happy for some time to pursue the things I enjoy for a change? Nah.. I will probably just get more sappy with each one!
Seven years from now, when I am 51 and the last one has graduated, maybe .. just maybe, I will be used to this and I will actually be like I thought I would be to begin with... happy for some time to pursue the things I enjoy for a change? Nah.. I will probably just get more sappy with each one!
Comments (6)
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Isn't it amazing how quickly the years go by? I could have sworn that mine were toddlers just last year-now one is a sophomore in college and one a senior in high school....whew!
Aww... it's hard. I do know what you are going through. I live in Denmark. I have one daughter in the U.S. and one in N. Ireland. Even though they are both grown and married,(ages 31 and 26) I miss them a lot, and when they are sick or going through stuff it weighs heavy on my mind. I just have to keep putting them in God's hands and trusting that He is there to help them, even though I cannot be. It is one of those stages of life which I think, is very difficult for a woman. So much of us is poured into our children, and then, when they no longer need us in that way, we are kind of at lose ends for a while until we find new projects! I pray your son will get well, and that God will give you grace for this new stage of life.
Hi there... I saw your footprints on my site, and thought I'd drop over and see who you were, too. Thanks for dropping by. Come back any time.
You said your son left to work with your father. I'm curious.....what kind of work?
It's hard enough, when our children are ill, and close enough we can get to them. I can't imagine what I'd be like, if I had one that far away, and I couldn't be there to care for him. Is he still in the same city as your parents?
I read back on some of your other entries too, while I was here. You mentioned not knowing what to write. I find that to be true, if I don't write for a while. Seems as if, I do better, when I write more often....but then, I write it first on 'notebook', enter it in my diary, then post it on Xanga. If I don't post on Xanga, my diary goes without entries too....not good.
Think I'll just subscribe to you while I'm here. Thanks again for popping in.
Thanks for subscribing, reminds me that I need to get back to work on my blog, so when I came to check you out, lol, I found this blog and it resonated as my oldest dd of my "second" family is leaving in January to go 1000 mi away from home and so far I'm ok with that but I'm also starting to get "scared". Then I think that my next ds is turning 17 in December and it just keeps going from there, YIKES!
I already have 3 children fly the coop, but those 3 joined our family later in their years, it just seems scarier when the children that have been with me all their lives, are leaving and going out into the big scary world.
Anyways, nice to meet you.
@brokenbindings2 - It is unreal how fast the years go by. My 3 youngest are 11... time will fly and I know it well by now. ;)
@GrannyHummingbird - I know it has been awhile since you commented. He was doing construction with my dad. I went and got him a couple of week after I posted this because he was still sick and being a bit rebellious. On the way to AZ from OK, I prayed and sought God's face on how to deal with him. God clearly said to deal with the physical issues first and then the spiritual. I took him to my doctor at home and found out (from his lab results) that when he had first presented at the ER in AZ that he was so dehydrated (why they did not recognize this, I don't know) that had he waited even a few hours .. he would have died. God healed his body and then He healed his spirit and he is now a pleasure to be around. :) Praise God! My son was doing construction work for my dad.
@DanishDoll - Wow! Your kids are a long way from you!
@toeveryseason - Yes.. it seems never ending doesn't it? :)